If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
