Having a random hookup so left but love u
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Randomize
