I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
