So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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