my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
