You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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