apparently the secret to your success is patron
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have aggressive nipples.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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