i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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