with your own penis?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
