So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
