I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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