I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
