Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
