remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
