I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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