He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
