loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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