I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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