I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
