When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
