Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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