I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
