my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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