think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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