she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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