what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
