Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
