Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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