just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
