Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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