You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
