I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
