he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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