I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
