he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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