my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
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