my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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