I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
