Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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