My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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