omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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