3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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