p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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