I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Drunk walkin through police station. America
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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