life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
