Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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