Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
