those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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