If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
