So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she peed on how many people?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
