awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
