WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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