so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
