my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
