it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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