I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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