Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
