How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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