I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize