Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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