Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think my vagina is haunted
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
