I have demons in me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
