what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
