Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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