I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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