when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
