Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
