shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
