brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
